I was cooking dinner shortly before I watched this film and I accidentally rubbed my eye after handling some pepper for seasoning. That was a more pleasant and productive use of my eyeballs than subjecting them to Isabelle, a supernatural horror film that sure does exist.
A quick disclaimer before the review – sometimes critics get invited to screening events, sometimes they’re sent a link to watch the film online. If it’s the latter, there’s usually some kind of watermark or indicator on the footage to prevent naughty critics from doing naughty things.
That’s absolutely fine. What’s not fine is a giant NOT FOR DISTRIBUTION sign on the bottom of the screen, a big company logo in the top right corner and a clock showing the film’s runtime down to milliseconds.
It’s disruptive to the viewing experience and it’s not fair to the film or the filmmakers. Horror movies rely on atmosphere and tension – both things that really don’t benefit from giant watermarks.
Isabelle follows a young couple expecting their first child who’ve just moved into a new house. However, tragedy strikes when the baby is stillborn. As Larissa (Amanda Crew) and Matt (Adam Brody) struggle to cope with their grief, an evil presence starts to torment them – the neighbour’s wheelchair-bound daughter, the titular Isabelle.
Nothing about this film really works. Isabelle herself is as stock a horror villain as you can get – a girl with long dark hair that wears white, has a (allegedly) creepy smile and her eyes go red every now and then. She looks like a bootleg version of that Billie Eilish album cover.
Her backstory is something-something satanic worship, something something domestic abuse. The always-happy-to-help spiritual person of colour is there to explain how the evil works and how to stop it. It’s painfully, even laughably generic.
Oh, she showed up in the mirror and there was a loud noise. Oh, here’s the ending where everything seems alright but then the evil returns. To say that it’s going through the motions would still be giving it too much credit. There isn’t enough energy here for that. Isabelle shuffles through the motions half asleep.
The brisk runtime (80ish minutes) and haphazard editing suggest the film was mangled in post-production. There are a lot of jarring cuts and weird transitions. My favourite headscratcher is the bit where Matt suddenly goes to a priest and starts asking about possession for no apparent reason.
There’s also two different scenes of main characters looking up Isabelle’s backstory online and they’re nearly identical. A side character with an implied romantic interest in Matt just disappears.
The grieving family stuff is very bland and deeply uninvolving. Think of Hereditary’s raw, utterly gut wrenching exploration of grief. Then imagine the exact opposite in terms of impact and execution and you’ll have a decent idea of how Isabelle handles it.
There was one small bit where Larissa hears her son crying while she’s alone in the house that I found slightly unsettling. That’s it.
It leaves no impression and it honestly doesn’t feel like it was even trying to. Isabelle just exists.
Maybe I should have given Ready or Not another half star.
ISABELLE will be available on digital platforms 30th September