A psychological thriller about a lonely widow’s disturbing obsession with a young woman? Oh, and it stars iconic French actress Isabelle Huppert and ever rising star Chloë Grace Moretz?
Greta sounds like a real hoot – and it is, although not in the way that it wants to be.
For starters, the movie seems to be under the deeply misguided impression that Isabelle Huppert is playing a slasher killer from a schlocky 80s horror movie. Suddenly having her pop into frame as the overbearing music tries to destroy your ear drums is annoying enough as is, but when you use it to try and make a small French lady in her 60s seem scary, it’s downright laughable.
Let’s make something very clear – Isabelle Huppert is a fine actress and she is fully capable of delivering a masterfully unsettling performance. Her talent is buried under the ridiculousness of both the story and the way her character is presented.
Greta is one of those horror antagonists that succeeds mainly because her victims are ever so fond of making stupid decisions. At one point, she starts stalking Frances (Moretz)’s best friend Erica (Maika Monroe). She takes pictures of her at a party and sends them to Frances with disturbing texts such as ‘I’m like chewing gum’ (this may shock you, but knowing the context still doesn’t make it scary’)
So, what does Erica do when Frances warns her right away that Greta is at the party? Does she call the police? Ask some of her nearby friends for help? No, silly, she leaves the crowded public space through a back door and runs off on her own.
What follows is one of the most terrible (and bizarre) chase sequences I’ve ever seen. Greta keeps taking pictures of Erica trying to escape and sending them to Frances, but every time Erica looks back, she doesn’t see Greta – because, you know, the elderly French lady darting behind dumpsters with her camera phone is truly nerve-wracking.
Eventually, things escalate and Greta actually kidnaps Frances. So, what does her father (Colm Feore) do when he finds out his daughter is missing – especially since he is fully aware of Greta’s disturbing obsession and persistent stalking? Call the police (who also know about the harassment), right? Wrong again. The correct answer is call a single private investigator and then do nothing when he disappears too.
I could go on, since there’s plenty more stupid to go around – especially near the end – but I think you get the idea.
Greta is a dumb movie. Dumb in a way that’s easy to make fun of. Every now and then it seems like it’s in on the joke. A smile here, a wink there that try to say ‘look at me, I’m so campy and fun’.
Those moments do not work at all. Greta is only funny when you imagine it trying to be taken seriously. Even then, it’s not that special. For all the ridiculous moments that you can point and laugh at, there’s plenty that’s just plain boring.
It’s a waste of time and talent.
I don’t know what else to say, but I do know this – I have reached the end of this sentence.
Greta is out on the 19th of April, distributed by Universal.